There is an epidemic on our websites. There is a plague online. There is a menace lurking in every nook and cranny of the Internet, waiting to leap onto your screen after a careless click of the mouse.
Unfunny pet videos.
Everyone has seen them. Everyone knows they exist. A video of the family golden retriever, a ten minute long HD file that took twenty minutes to download, your anticipation growing with every nudge of the progress bar… You bide your time by making a mental list of everyone with whom you plan to share this masterpiece once you view it, or by drafting the perfect Tweet to describe its glory to friends and family. You wait, you wait, and you wait, and finally, you watch. And the dog just sits there, howling occasionally to a Beatles song. And not even in tune. You will never get that time back again.
Funny pet videos are serious business, and never more so than now, with a dearth of truly funny pet videos to choose from, and with the pool being constantly diluted by megabyte after megabyte of unfunny animals. Please exercise caution and good sense. Whether or not someone has told you that you have funny pets videos should be screened, edited, and evaluated by a trusted source. You are rarely the best judge of the true funniness of your pet, since they always make you smile. In fact, often times your pet may be at their absolute funniest when you find them least funny, such as when they are disobedient or sad. If you have happened to record these instances, then showing these videos to friends (at a small, private, and in no way online gathering, of course) may serve to thin out your postings, as well as give you valuable insight as to what makes truly funny pet videos.
Unfunny pet videos do no service to the Internet audience, and in fact only serve to degrade the quality and availability of actually funny videos. In reality, by proliferating unfunny videos and potentially wasting the time of people who click your link in the hopes of laughing at your video, you are slowing down the overall productivity of a nation of Internet users. If this practice continues, you could single handedly grind our entire economy to a halt, causing massive layoffs and plummeting global status among other industrial nations, conceivably bringing about the premature destruction of commerce and civilization as we know it. So please, for your country, your planet, and the future of your children… Only post funny pet videos.